In every workplace, everyone works for a dog
We’ve all heard the saying, “Working like a dog.” However, while only some of us work like dogs, we all work for one.
First are lapdog bosses. Quintessential lapdogs, like the dainty and delicate Maltese, were bred solely for adornment. Lapdog bosses get a fancy title and a snazzy office, but they haven’t a clue. They won their job not by talent, but through well-connected relatives. Like a prissy little dog on a silk pillow, they don’t do a lick of real work. Higher ups pat them on their figure heads no matter what they do. Think of President Bush, Hurricane Katrina and “You’re doing a hecka of a job Brownie.” They cause resentment, because you do all the work while they get all the glory—and money.
The polar opposite of lapdog bosses are pit bull bosses. Pit bulls definitely are better than lapdogs because they actually have a brain and work hard. If you’re an outgoing, confident person, you can deal. Pit bulls will tell you exactly how they feel, but if they feel challenged and are never reined in by higher ups, they’ll go postal and bite your head off. They’ll rant, rave, pound fists and scream at employees, making them scurry like frightened little mice. Two minutes later they’ll give you an honest compliment or ask after your children. Gordon Ramsey of “Hell’s Kitchen” is a pit bull.
Then you have nervous Chihuahua bosses. These are your ankle biters. Chihuahuas can be good dogs, but if untrained, they’re a menace. And like an unbalanced little Chihuahua, these bosses are fearful and have sharp teeth. They’re nervous, suspicious, paranoid and will kill you with a millions small cuts. They’re insecure and need therapy, but in the meantime, be on guard and wear long pants.
Next up are Border collie bosses. Border collies and other herding breeds are extremely smart and hard working, always on the go. These are fairly good bosses, but only if you’re a top-notch, hardworking employee who goes above and beyond. Border collies work long hours, do a great job and expect you to do the same. Like a herder, they guide the flock in the right direction, always nipping at their heels. The only downside is they micromanage and have a problem delegating. They are the bossiest of bosses. If you’re a lazy slacker, you’ll get what you deserve, probably the boot.
German shepherd bosses are decent bosses as well. German shepherds are among the most intelligent of breeds, extremely intent on their mission. Such bosses are determined workers and like a good military officer, will lead by example and won’t ask you to do anything they wouldn’t do themselves. They’re true leaders who’ll take responsibility and never blame others. The downside of the German shepherd boss is they don’t often compliment good work, even if they admire it. They’ll always be your drill sergeant. Again, sensitive sorts might want to dust off their resumes.
Basenji bosses, like the breed are don’t bark. This trait in a boss is good in that they aren’t picking on your every move. The downside is you’ll never know where you stand, as you get no feedback. The quietest of bosses, they’ll keep you guessing, but consider yourself lucky if your boss is a Basenji, especially if you’re introverted yourself. If you’re a loud-mouth extrovert, this one can drive you insane over time.
Some of us have bosses in the hound family. First, the Bloodhound bosses. They’ll never attack you, but they’ll keep their sensitive nose to the ground and up your you-know-what. They’ll snoop around your desk, check your e-mails and monitor your every move, always on the trail for the scent of their prey, the “gotcha” moment. They don’t care what you do right, they just want to discover that one minuscule error. Hide your personal stuff and your lunch.
On the other hound hand there’s the basset, a laidback, good-natured and easy-going dog. Basset bosses are all these things too, but they’re slow slackers. No other boss has more mysterious out-of-office appointments. Their job description includes golf and three-hour lunches, while you toil away in the trenches making their reservations.
Cat bosses. Okay, cats aren’t dogs, but cat bosses have no dog traits. The traits are often stereotypical with cats, but with bosses, they’re spot on. They’re sneaky, conniving, cool on the outside and nice to your face, but the minute you turn your back, the claws come out. They’re two-faced liars, and if this describes your boss, run fast. Wilhelmina of “Ugly Betty” is a cat boss. And yes, men can be cat bosses too.
Lastly, the best bosses ever: Retrievers. If you have one of these, count your blessings no matter what your salary. These bosses are smart, good-natured, calm and fair. They compliment good work and if you mess up, they’re nice about telling you and asking you to do better. They have a light touch the same way a retriever gently holds a dead bird in its mouth. The only downside is they can be too good-natured when it comes to their own bosses and don’t bite back when they should. They can be taken advantage of by alpha dogs, because they gladly accept everything piled on them with a wag of the tail.
You’ll also notice you and your coworkers share some of these traits. But since you aren’t the boss, you can’t do as much damage. Just try to fit in with the pack as best you can.
So, what kind of dog boss do you have?
Picture above is a photo of my friend Saritha's dog, Dolly, a Golden Retriver.
posted by Sandy at 10/09/2007 10:46:00 AM